As a kid, I was fascinated by fortune tellers. I wanted to know the future!!
If I knew the future, I could tell how things were going to turn out so that I could avoid danger, have all the answers on tests, and go into the future and buy a newspaper, go back to the present time and buy all the stocks that would increase 1000%.
The Wizard of Oz and her Crystal Ball
The witch had a crystal ball, and she could see Dorothy in it. Awesome.
The witch had flying monkeys. I wanted to BE a flying monkey. Awesome.
But remember? The flying monkeys scoop Dorothy up and drop her off at the witch’s lair, and while alone, Dorothy peers into the crystal ball. She sees Auntie Em in the crystal ball saying, “Dorothy, where are you? Dorothy?” She starts frantically trying to answer, “Auntie Em! Auntie Em!”
I just watched it on youtube and got seriously emotional. SO heart-wrenching! Truly masterful movie.
Anyway, Auntie Em disappears, and the witch appears in the crystal ball mocking Dorothy!
Kind of stuff that will give a five-year-old nightmares.
Imagine my disappointment when I went to see a fortune teller at a grade school carnival, and the crystal ball was just clear! No images being televised in that crystal ball. At. All.
On top of that, the “fortune teller” (probably someone’s mom) didn’t tell me anything worth knowing! Something like “I can see a little blond haired boy who will one day grow up and get married.” That’s it? You old crone! I want my money back!
Fortune Cookies Lie
I loathe fortune cookies. “Why the extreme language, David?”
BECAUSE THEY DON’T TELL YOUR FORTUNE. I haven’t had one in 10 years that said: “tomorrow this or that will happen.” Instead, it’s things like “don’t stick your head in gopher holes.” THAT’S NOT A FORTUNE. THAT’S A PROVERB. IT’S A PROVERB COOKIE!
Got one from Panda Express the other day (I love their food). It’s said, “Don’t look back. Always look ahead.” THAT’S A DEFENSIVE DRIVING COOKIE!
Looked up my horoscope – total miss. It was just all proverbs and, “You’re going to have a new love (as in a person).” Married so I’m good there. Thought, “Maybe it will be a new love in the form of a new pet, or new deodorant, or new hair gel.”
Nope. 100% miss.
BUT – the website had a link: “VIRGO – click for your guilty pleasure food.”
On my, “pleasure food,” it couldn’t have been more wrong. Here’s what it said:
1. “You don’t often overindulge.” That’s wrong. I do, at least weekly.
2. “When you do, it’s minimal.” Ridiculous statement. IN WHAT UNIVERSE DO YOU MINIMALLY OVERINDULGE? If it’s minimal, it’s not overindulging.
3. “Your favorite splurge is chocolate-covered strawberries.” I don’t like them. The chocolate breaks off, it goes all over the place, I don’t know what to do with those things.
I love to overindulge on chilidogs! Chili cheese fries! Big marbled steaks! A pound of brisket on butcher paper eaten with my hands! Funnel cakes!
I’m getting so tempted just typing this.
What does God think about all this?
In case you’re wondering, God has a strong opinion on all of this stuff.
He says in Leviticus 20:6, “I will also turn against those who commit spiritual prostitution by putting their trust in mediums or in those who consult the spirits of the dead. I will set My face against that person and will cut him off from his people.”
In Acts 16 there’s a fortune teller. And the reason for her success? She’s demon possessed. Once Paul casts the demon from her, guess what? She can’t tell fortunes anymore!
Fortune telling, horoscopes, palm reading, crystal balls…all demonic. And that’s not hysterical talk! It’s just what God says in black and white.
But why do we want a fortune teller? Because we’re lack confidence – in the future, in the present, in life! We are AFRAID. We think, “If I could just know the future – then I’d have peace.”
#1. No, you wouldn’t. Because then you’d know exactly what to worry about.
#2. You never will know the future – it’s a fantasy. So quit wasting emotional and mental energy on fantasy.
Instead, do this:
Trust God. Put your faith in Jesus. He knows the future. He knows the past. He’s not bound by time, but called Himself the, “I Am.” Meaning before Abraham 4000 years ago, He was, “I am.” Right now He is, “I Am.” 4000 years from now Jesus will be the great, “I Am.”
It’s all present tense to Him. And Romans 8:28 says He’s working all for good for everyone who is His.
Trust Him. He’s got this.
Amen and amen.
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